Tag Archives: dancing

108 Spring

How imperfectly perfect this 1st day of Spring!

Today is the first day of spring. On the Solstices and Equinoxes, I do a little ritual. I step on my yoga mat all fired up and do 108 sun salutations.


WON-OH-(H)ATE 108 One Hundred and Eight

Now if I were a purist it would be strict Sun A and Sun B, but I am a realist and I know that my body can’t do that many chaturangas, up dogs and jump forwards. Instead, I do my version depending on my body on that day of that month in that year. It’s my way of purifying my heart and my mind. It’s not easy. It’s hard as F–k, but I do it. I always want to stop, but I don’t. I do it because I can. I do it for those who can’t. I do it so that one day when I can’t anymore I will be able to close my eyes and see and feel my way thru it.

I use those crystals to help me keep count…

It burns. It burns so good. It burns a feeling and a hope deep into my heart.

It’s my attempt at purification. The noble act of letting go. Letting go of thought and thinking that it’s supposed to be anything other than what it is. Letting go of how it looks. Letting go of time. Letting go of the digital devil. Letting go of outer connection. I just commit to the one thing. Say yes, and leave the outcome to the fates.

In Deepak Chopra’s Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, he says:

In detachment lies the wisdom of uncertainty…in the wisdom of uncertainty lies the freedom from our past, from the known, which is the prison of past conditioning. And in our willingness to step into the unknown, the field of all possibilities, we surrender ourselves to the creative mind that orchestrates the dance of the universe.

This ritual of mine is my version of dancing with the Universe. I have doubts. I have hope. I have love. I have fear. But this quarterly ritual helps recalibrate my mind, my body and my spirit.

Maybe it’s not 108 for you. Maybe it’s doing the one thing that terrifies you. Maybe it’s making that phone call. Maybe it’s finally letting go of that relationship. There are so many possibilities.

And that is the point: “in our willingness to step into the unknown, the field of all possibilities, we surrender ourselves to the creative mind that orchestrates the dance of the universe.

What will your dance be today on this first day of Spring?

Leave a comment!


Becoming friends with the darkness

I woke up  this morning in a pool of potential. I was surrounded by the guardians of fear, shame and unworthiness. My friends Brett Dennan, Natalie Merchant and of course Dave {Matthews that is} were on the outside looking in. They sang to me their songs of hope and encouragement. They tried to protect me by sharing their darkness to help me tease out my own light.

Somehow my ego got loose in a big way. Now how could that happen? I do as I have been told by the wise ones: I practice yoga, I meditate, I help others, I give to animal shelters. What more do I need to do to be set free from this feeling? This morning my ego decided that I am the only person that has ever felt this way. The only human who hasn’t lived up to the dreams and ideas that fill the heart and mind. My ego chose to rule this day. The battle ensued. Loneliness and heartache quickly closed the gap between my deeper knowledge and this momentary void. They shut me off from my gratitude and opened the flood gates of emptiness. Tears flowed like cheap champagne at a high school reunion as the pity party began.

I want so much from Life. There are some things that I will never have now. Those things have left big holes in the fabric of my Life. My ego is fighting to keep those spaces open, to keep me feeling empty. Life always finds a way to weave in beauty. I know that the exposures will be woven back together and the threads used will be made of the most sublime moments. That the final tapestry will be one of infinite beauty and quality. I know this. Yet still my ego wages this mighty war.                                                                                        IMG_5652

And so I sit.

I put my butt on my cushion and I begin again.

I breath. I think. I plan. I feel that awful emptiness.

I begin again.

I will sit with this feeling. I will dance with this feeling. It’s a tricky little number where I never really know who is leading and who is following…

I cannot escape it. We will become friends. It will take practice. It will feel familiar and then it will feel foreign. Feelings come and go. We get cut , we get bruised and yet we heal. Again and again.

I also know that I am not alone in this skirmish and this is why ego will not win this holy war. I believe we all face these moments.

If you are a believer please share your thoughts……….