Tag Archives: self-care

Do the One Thing

onething.jpg

My New Years intention has been to do just one thing at a time. As a Mother that is next to impossible. Throw on top of that owning a business with 2 locations, having children in 2 different schools with 2 different start times, an 89 year old Mother in mourning and one crazy beagle/pit mix! Oh yeah, and I’m single!

When my Father died, I became paralyzed as did all of us. There was this emptiness that pervaded everything. Where there were phone calls and text messages about this diagnosis and that doctors appointment there was silence. In the space of one breath we all had more time on our hands. I personally didn’t know what to do. It took me by surprise. I had not planned on it being so final and I am a planner. In the days and weeks immediately after he left us, I could only do the one thing. I was no where near able to teach. To guide others into a felt experience that is meant to be healing was off the table. All I could do was put clothes in the wash, make a cup of tea and hug everyone who stumbled onto my path. That was it.

As New Years approached, I realized that in my stunned and slow existence, my one thing at a time actually felt good. There was a sense of accomplishment because something was getting done and yet there was no anxiety swirling around me about needing to get it ALL done. In this semi concious state, less was most certainly more. It made sense. I was enjoying the small victories. I got dressed! I washed my hair! I folded laundry!

My Father spoiled all of us with his time. He always took the time to talk to us about anything we needed. When I was younger I used to say “I don’t want to talk about it now.” Of course now all I can think of is how much I would give for one more conversation. As I got older I would spend hours talking to him about politics, the value of a good liberal arts education, religion and dreams. I can’t thank him enough for the steadiness of his listening ear and open heart. As the dialysis strip mined his body our conversations lagged. He was exhausted after each skirmish with Fresenius. He could only do one thing at at time and he did it with his whole being. Some days we talked, others he slept. He did what he needed to do, one thing at a time.

As a ballerina I danced with my whole heart. To honor my Father and everyone in my life, I intend to continue this practice. This way of being. When we do the one thing we are committing to the moment and connecting to ourselves and others with our whole hearts. Since Life is one big beautiful dance, it’s time for me to start dancing again. Dancing with my whole heart.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on the beauty and challenges of doing one thing at a time….

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Care to share the exhaustion?

We all have “those days” and today was one of them for me. I woke up exhausted. I dragged my children out of bed. Hadย  a silent ride to school. I slogged my way into a useless 8:45 meeting counting down the minutes until I was free. Lost my cool with a class of very brave souls who didn’t bother to tell me for a week that they hadn’t been able to complete an assignment. They forgot to “email” me about it. I somnambulated my way thru 2 ballet classes. Almost fell asleep behind the wheel picking the kids up from school. During the flute lesson I napped as always and still, all I wanted to do was cry.

Tiredness is in my bones. My soul needs a day off. I looked to everything in the universe for an answer. For acceptance. For someone to say

“Enough! This ones had enough! She deserves it.”

Well that is never going to happen. No one is going to come to my rescue. No one except me. It’s my choice to over do, over spend, over think and over green tea.

Tea

“In the process of letting go you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself.” ย ~Deepak Chopra

 

Tonight I messaged a friend who’s a doctor. I asked if even the good doc needs a good cry. The answer was a simple yes. We all do. What struck me about his response was the common thread. We all have hard days, weeks, months and even years when we feel so alone. It was comforting for me to hear that even Dr. Perfect wants a shoulder to cry on and sometimes for the smallest of things. I’m tired because I can’t do it all and I want to so badly. I’m tired because I reached out to help someone I care about very deeply and they bit me. I can’t help them until they want to help themselves. I’m tired because I don’t listen to my heart and get stuck in my head and try to keep going.

I’m tired because I’m trying for the impossible: I want it all to be perfect.

I am so clearly not perfect and yet I keep banging my head against the same perfectly hard wall. I read last night about kindness. It is the most noble of traits. They say the only way we can truly experience kindness is by first being kind to ourselves. I am going to try this one. I am going to bed now because I want to be kind and in order to be kind I must be awake and in order to be awake, I must get some sleep. May we all find a little more kindness in our lives tomorrow. I’ll probably dance in my sleep, but until then,

Namaste and good night.